My Letter to Heaven

They removed you from me today.

In your place is a feeling my body has not felt for months.

The aches feel the same as if you were never there.

My bodies regular reminder that life had not yet come.

My heart struggles to keep up.

Confused it asks me “should I be cramping too”?

...

For a week we have prepared to say bye to you.

But not at first, first my love we battled!

I wonder if you did too.

Did you struggle to remain in me as my cry tried to keep you?

...

Each morning brought a new verse, a new song, a new healing.

The Lord’s heart for you was so strong we could not keep it to ourselves!

You needed help so we held nothing back.

The prayer list grew with ease.

The Lord sent warriors for you!

Everyone around us became family.  Everyone loved you.

Did you feel this love?

...

Since the day I discovered you my prayers were dedicated to you.

My passion solely to protect and empower your little life and your big future.

“May she love you with all her heart, soul and strength”

“Help her do greater things than we have done.”

“Let her be born knowing Your presence”

Because of you, my prayer language grew, but not as great as my faith.

I thought I was preparing the path for you, 

but did you even know that you were doing this for me?

...

The Lord wasn’t the only one who heard my prayers,

The enemy came after us all.

He confused the words of the doctor to shake us.

He sent nightmares in our sleep to frighten us.

But what he didn't plan on producing was hope!

I knew he was afraid of you, of what your life would accomplish.

I knew you and I could live with the same slogan,

“Though she may be little she is fierce!”

If I am a lion than you are a lioness!

Everyone knows there is no better way to wake a mother than coming after her cub.

Is it strange that I still feel this need to protect you?

...

Today that need was tested as I chose to let them take your body.

They have only considered you an embryo, 

But I know they are removing from me the remnants of a miracle.

The enemy came at me, telling me today was a day of great loss.

But I know where you are! 

Safely in the arms of your Creator,

 reconciled with the Father who loves you more than I can give.

You are experiencing what I can only try to imagine.

What the enemy has meant for evil the Lord has made for good. 

Fulfilling your destiny.

Bringing you to your purpose, 

dwelling with Him yet leaving a spirit of hope behind.

Do you know that you fulfilled your life calling in only six weeks?

...

The promise of you came long before you did!

First in a desire.

there since the day I remember,

A knowing when I cared for my first doll.

They called it playing but it seemed to me more like practicing. 

The love of my mother made it stronger.

I knew not only to absorb her care but to store it in my memory.

...

The promise of you came long before you did!

First in a desire, second in a father.

To me he was a father since the day he promised to be a husband.

I waited for his want to catch up with mine,

I almost had to give up this man I loved, simply for the idea of you.

But the Lord is Good and the Giver of all desires,

 he awakens the dreams He has placed in the hearts of His children.

...

The promise of you came long before you did!

First in a desire, second in a father, then in a name.

We knew you in part but God knew you in full.

He dropped it in my mind suddenly through a prayer.

And though it was new it was as familiar as an old memory.

Everest.

You would be our mountain conquerer!

We were in a valley, but we would war to see your victory.

...

Twenty one months later…

The promise of victory came not as we anticipated.

No tiny footprints, not even a belly bump.

We never heard your heart’s special rhythm,

Or saw the profile of your sweet face.

Yet the evidence you were here is greater than any of that.

...

I see you in the unity I feel with your father, 

a bond tighter and stronger than before.

I see you in the understanding I have for your grandmother, 

a breakthrough of love that was once wounded.

I see you in my pursuit of faith, 

a confidence to declare the Word and always seek the miracle.

I see you in the little perfect face smiling at me now, 

a sister conceived the same month you were to be born.

Your life was given, to pave a path for hers.

My little, yours is a reflection of the greatest love of all.

If you would like to read Baby Everest's full story click here: https://joyfullyjournaling.com/the-time-god-gave-me-and-made-me-a-mountain-climber/