The King Was in the Room

It’s been over a year now and I still feel intimidated to describe this birth story.

Perhaps that’s the beauty of God’s glory. His presence leaves you in awestruck wonder that no words are adequate to describe what has just taken place, both in the atmosphere and in your soul.

Nevertheless, I share my story as an act of gratitude. I show up here in my writing to give thanks to the God who showed up in my bedroom that night.

…

My pregnancy had been an emotional one. My feelings were all over the place and fear was my steady “friend”.

We were going to be welcoming our third little one (fourth if you include our baby in Heaven) and our two at home were both under the age of three. Although I had said yes to this family plan I had plenty of concerns!

“How am I going to give each of my children the attention they need?”… “What if my body can’t handle the weight of pregnancy and childbirth again?”… “Is this going to be the thing that breaks my marriage?”

Every. Single. Day. I had to remind myself of truth.

“God will give me the grace for each child”… “He MADE ME to carry and birth and raise these children”… “More love and more blessing is entering our home because of this child.”

Each day the concerns were new but the fear remained constant.

At first, I was frustrated that my feelings were not following the truth I had been feeding myself. Why couldn’t I stop worrying about the future?? Then the Lord showed me that faith did not mean an absence of fear- faith was facing the fear… as many times as needed.

So in faith I kept showing up to the season of life the Lord had given me. I prepared for a home birth. I invested in care for my body far greater than I had my first two pregnancies. I enjoyed my time with my two children. I did the work of marriage- a cycle of arguing, repenting and reprioritizing.

None of these were done perfectly of course. I gave myself grace when I couldn’t stop crying or could only show up in the bare minimum way that day. And none of these were done alone. God gifted me with the most supportive family, midwife and community of fellow mothers.

…

I give you this background of my pregnancy for the purpose of making my labor relatable. You will notice that the focus in my writing is the supernatural aspect of birth. In fact, there are parts of my story that you may even find hard to believe. And that’s ok, I was surprised too!

The sharing of my experience is not in thinking that the practical is unimportant. Rather, my intent is to stretch you to what is available spiritually in childbirth. My greatest encounters with God have happened while delivering babies!

It is the desire of my heart that as you read this birth story, you will be encouraged to expect the mysteries of God in your labor too.

Disclaimer: The following content is not the result of my ability but of the kindness of God, who gifted me a labor greater than my imagination in exchange for faith the size of a mustard seed.

…

I laid in bed exhausted and irritated.

Though I had never been so tired, falling asleep had never been harder. All five of my pillows were in the perfect position, three hundred and sixty degrees of supportive fluff. Mist trickled steadily from the diffuser on my nightstand- filling the room with lavender, nature’s best reminder to rest.

I had made sure to pamper my body before tucking into bed. My shaved legs brushed smooth against the sheets, yet were still restless. The soles of my feet soaked in the magnesium lotion I had generously lathered on them, but still screamed swollen.

My due date was in ten days but I knew better than to expect full term. Both my son and daughter had arrived a little over a week early. Now every evening I wondered if this baby would follow the same pattern, perhaps the explanation for my current restlessness.

Though this would be my third labor in four years, I found myself no more confident than if it were my first. Perhaps it was the newness of home birth and the reality of limited pain relief. Or perhaps the nearness of delivering my other babies, my body desired more time to forget the intensity of labor. Whatever the source of my nerves, they were wild tonight.

Obvious that I wasn’t going to be sleeping anytime soon, I decided to go fetch my lap top from the other room. With everyone else asleep in my house it was the perfect opportunity for a movie; I could choose whatever I wanted, a rare treat in our lively home. MacBook Pro in hand I snuggled back under the covers. I re-tucked the pillows under my belly and every other gap of my body.

I don’t know how to explain it, but I was then overwhelmed with the desire to watch The Passion of the Christ film. It was as simple but as powerful as a woman craving chocolate. I just had to have this visual of what Jesus did for me.

Thanks to Amazon Prime it was quickly on the screen, tears were quickly filling my eyes, and powerful love was obliterating every fear in my heart.

But there certainly was nothing quick about the death of Jesus…

As I watched the very skin of His back be torn for me, I remembered my prayer request: “Lord I ask for no perineal tearing or stitches.”

As they pressed the thorns into the front of His brow, I thought of every day my thoughts had forgotten Him.

Bound to the cross as they hoisted it high, they chose the position He would die in. I remembered my last labor, hating the position my body was pushing in but having no option for change.

I noticed his legs shaking uncontrollably and remembered the adrenaline that would soon be running through mine too.

I heard His words, “Abba Shboq Lhon”, and immediately was convicted of every unforgiving thought that I chose to leave hiding in my heart.

As I watched blood and water gush out of His side where the soldier pierced Him, I knew I was watching my very own birth story.

I now had to respond.

It was 12:38pm but I left the warmth of my covers and made my way to the living room where I got on my knees and sobbed.

The brutality of the cross filled me with both hope and humility simultaneously. This Jesus who suffered for me so greatly, surely loves me enough to bless me with a supernatural childbirth. Yet if I suffer for Him, there would be no greater honor.

Whether in ease or discomfort, the Holy One will hold me. Whether in pleasure or pain, all of my labor will be worship to this worthy King.

…

The next night I tossed and turned to find a comfortable position in bed again, although this time the cause was first stage labor!

Although the contractions were only coming every twenty minutes, they came with intensity. I laid down on my bed to rest in between, then at the onset of each contraction I rushed to my feet to embrace the wave while standing.

My husband prepared our room with plastic liners and an inflatable tub. Our children were tucked into their beds for the night. My doula and midwife were both on standby, one resting in the living room and one only a five minute drive away. None of us knew how long of a night lay ahead. Although I had not yet experienced one, I prayed this would not be my first all night labor.

The next contraction gave me my answer. There was no gradual increase of feeling to this one. Shocked by the onset of physical force squeezing my being, I cried out “Ohhhhh JESUS” as gushing water gave evidence to the progression.

We all knew it was go time. My husband began filling the tub with water, my midwife was called and on her way, and my doula was by my side helping me make my way to the bathroom.

I had no intention of using the toilet as a birthing stool, but I knew to follow my instincts. I did not question myself as I headed for the bathroom and I did not question that the easy contractions were over.

I kept my focus on the present pressure. I refused to waste my energy wondering how I would cope. One by one I pressed into each contraction. I relaxed every muscle I had control over, open fingers and open mouth, allowing whatever sounds escaped my being full access. I let myself become uncomfortable; knowing that the more I permitted this force full range, the more work would be accomplished. Little did I know, the help of Heaven was at hand.

I felt the next tightening coming on and I readied to embrace it. I opened my mouth and couldn’t believe what my ears heard.

My moaning sounded like a melody.

The perfect pitch that came out of me was not mine. It was familiar yet foreign. It was me but more, as though my tone was echoed by angels. The reverberation of Heaven’s choir distracted me from the intensity in my body and I actually felt sad when my contraction ended.

I looked at my doula and her face confirmed what I had just experienced. “Well OKkk! You’re gonna have to tell me about that one later!”

Before I knew it the next contraction was on and this time I could not believe what I was seeing. My eyes were shut and ready to focus, but instead I saw a vision.

Two angels, one on my left and one on my right, were helping my labor progress. They were rubbing their hands down either sides of my rib cage like a pioneer woman with a washboard. I knew in my spirit they were helping this baby move down the birth canal and I could feel physically an increase in the effectiveness of the contraction.

As they were assisting me they were laughing and giggling and having the time of their lives. The image was hysterical yet their excitement was contagious- I COULD NOT HELP but laugh my way through the remainder of the contraction. As pure joy tingled all over my body I imagined this must be what it feels like to be “slain in the spirit”.

Though at this point the presence of Heaven didn’t need confirmation, I laughed at my doula’s reaction to the glory as she commented it was taking everything in her not to fall over!

We continued enjoying the experience in the two by five foot toilet room, chatting between contractions then quieting when they came. Though the waves were extremely intense, I was also incredibly wowed by God. Labor had never been so fun!

…

Finally the blow up birth tub my husband and midwife had been working on preparing since my water first broke was ready. I say “finally” but only thirty minutes or so had passed.

“Anyone mind naked?” I laugh as I practically jump into the tub. I can not get in the water quick enough. At this point I am ready to “dive in” and face every wave full force. Vulnerably naked but more comfortable in my skin than I had been my entire pregnancy.

The temperature is perfect- both the water and the mood.

It was then that things got real holy.

The next song on my labor playlist was “The King Is In The Room” Spontaneous version by Bethel.

The air was thick and the room silent. There were long pauses between my contractions. We all worshiped in our waiting. I was told later the team couldn’t help themselves but praise. It was as though this song was written for this moment…

"Oh the King is in the room.

Exalt Him now.

The King is in the room.

All hail King Jesus!

Feel the weight of His glory, see the train of His robe.

He is sovereign, He is sovereign.

O child you’re never alone.

He sees you. He’s got you.

The King is in your room!”

Another contraction comes. The pressure is intense but the peace remains. As I trust my body I trust it’s Creator and Indweller. I relax my fingers and open my jaw. I am squatting in the water, loving the buoyancy. The top half of my body outside of the water leans it’s full weight on the cushioned perimeter of the tub as I let the tightening of my uterus have it’s full force.

“Did I just push?” I think to myself as the contraction comes to an end. My membranes had broke less than an hour before and I have only been in the water one worship song’s time… “there’s no way.”

This thought comes to a quick end as my doula gently touches my shoulder and whispers in my ear… “Jesus just wanted me to tell you ‘THANK YOU’. He says ‘thank you for doing this for Him.’ ”

All I can respond to her with is a smile and nod, I am too in the zone to respond verbally. But internally my heart is leaping in love. “How can King Jesus, the humble One I saw last night on that cross, be thanking ME for this most simple moment of surrender??”

I quickly felt the Holy Spirit elaborate- He was not only thanking me for birthing this child, He was thanking me for welcoming the conception of him or her.

Before I can ponder the wonder of this moment, another intense contraction takes my attention.

…

One more worship song into labor and my gratitude remains both for the water and the Spirit I wade in.

I am still in a squatting position, but now my husband squats too on the opposite side of the inflatable wall between us. I feel all of his support in the way he holds my arms and lets me squeeze his. Between contractions I look up at his face to see him smiling at me, total reassurance in his eyes. It reminds me of the love of My Lord who thus far has bathed me in His total acceptance and pleasure.

I start to think about how powerful love is to endure any pressure, then quickly I must receive it again.

I feel as though I am outside my body, outside of control, yet at the same time I have never been so aware of every movement. Just when I think the contraction is going to calm, it’s intensity amps up. I can not believe what I am feeling…

My pelvic bones expand drastically.

First push.

My babies head engages this new opening.

Second push.

Mouth open I hear myself moan deep baritones.

Suddenly everything calms and I know to rest and wait for the next contraction…

“Brittany go ahead and get your baby.” I hear my midwife speak in the gentlest voice.

“MY BABY??”

To say I am in total shock is an under statement!

As I search for my baby in the water I can’t help say over and over “My baby! My baby!” Maybe if I say it enough times it will be real.

My midwife gently gives my baby’s back a push under the water towards me. Between my legs I reach for my little reward, firmly grip my fingers under their armpits, and lift them into the air in front of me. My husband later told me it looked as though I was hiking a football! To me, it felt like the biggest “Pride Rock” moment of my life.

The air that was once filled with my cries are now pierced by my baby’s. This cry has an intensity greater than my other newborns and I immediately remember a prophecy spoken over them in the womb that they would be a firecracker. One which certainly entered the world with a bang!

…

It takes me about ten minutes to calm my little firecracker. I can only imagine the abrupt entrance to the world was upsetting and I am grateful for the familiar water that surrounded and soothed my child upon their welcome.

Now at rest on my chest, we lift baby to discover that we have a girl!! Her crying begins all over again and I quickly embrace her.

“Do we have a name?” my midwife asks.

I look at my husband and we know we are in agreement with one look. Though we previously didn’t know whether we were having a boy or a girl, there was only one name we had discussed.

“Her name is TRINITY REIGN.” my husband answers.

“I wasn’t sure if I liked it, but after that birth I know that’s her name. God was here!”

We all laugh in agreement. For a moment all conversation ceases as we sit in the reality of the miracle we have just experienced and smile at the one in my arms.

…

Still in the tub and waiting for my placenta to be delivered, I ask my midwife what time Trinity was born.

My midwife explains that it all happened so fast, she knew it was sometime between 12:38pm-12:40pm so she officially recorded 12:39pm on her documents.

I realize that it had been exactly 24 hours since I was on my knees the previous evening worshipping King Jesus crucified and give thanks for His hand in everything, to the very minute of my daughters delivery!

Luke 12:38-40, “He may appear at midnight or even later, but what great joy for the awakened ones whenever He comes!… So keep being alert and ready at all times. For I can promise you that the Son of Man will surprise you and will appear when you don’t expect Him.”

Just as quickly as The King had entered my bedroom, my baby entered the world.

“My baby! My baby!!!” I shout in shock.

I hold this child on my chest so happy she is here.

What once was seen in part now we are face to face.

How glorious a moment it will be when we say this of our Lord.

What used to seem a distant dream, now an unquestionable reality.

At any moment, maybe in the middle of the night, my heart will shout again…

“He is here! He is here!!!”