Choose FUN
We sat on our living room couches in unbelief of our calculations. We knew it was bad when we couldn’t figure out the last time we had been on a date after ten minutes of debate. Did that church event we went to three months ago count? What about that leisurely stroll we took through Costco grocery the other week? Both these occurrences were childfree but they were also free of excitement, adventure, sentimentalism, quality time or any of the other qualities that make up a real date.
During this current event of quarantine many couples are being challenged as to how meaningful memories can still be made at home. But I knew in my heart that our current stay home mandate couldn’t be blamed. Even if restaurants and movie theaters and all those places that make date night a matter of “which one?” were open, I am not sure we would have made it happen. Having two under age two my brain space for intentional living burns out fast if I don’t pay attention.
But now my attention was caught and within thirty minutes we made the last minute decision- we would make up for our slack by going on a full day date. In exactly sixteen hours we would be driving up north for some off roading fun in the Sedona mountain trails; an activity that would honor social distancing but also bring me and my husband together.
But sitting inside a vehicle all day was not the sort of together I had imagined. When my husband announced that he would like to drop off the kids all day and go “hit the trails” for our special time with one another, I had to force a smile. My first thoughts were “I’ve never been away from my five month old for that long in another city… we haven’t written up our will, what if we drive off a cliff and die?… how am I going to pump an entire days supply of milk in a truck?” I am not kidding you, those were my first thoughts… in that order! I honestly couldn’t picture the fun.
But fun is a funny word.
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The definition of “fun” according to Merriam Webster Online Dictionary:
FUN: verb; a mood for finding or making amusement.
I most often think of fun as a feeling that happens when you experience delight or enjoyment, but really it’s a decision to find delight and make enjoyment.
Fun is not a result, it’s a process. Fun is a verb rather than a noun because it is a process that sometimes, often times, takes work! Before it can be had it has to be made.
Our fun filled day date took a lot of work: calling parents for last minute sitting, packing excessive amounts of baby items, and late night grocery shopping for an on the road picnic. Clint changed the oil in his truck. I blow dried my hair at midnight so that I would look pretty… or at least like a person.
Fun is a commitment. Sometimes it takes time and determination for our mood to catch up with the amusement.
Our fun filled day was almost a flop. An hour into our drive towards Sedona we hit traffic on the highway and were driving half the speed limit for miles. It seemed everyone had the same exact idea as us.
I could feel the frustration emanating from my husband; his perfect getaway might actually be overcrowded and over-rated. Searching for a way to lift the mood I remarked at the field of purple blossoms to our left- “look at those flowers babe!” He was not amused.
After two and a half hours we finally get to our destination and the trail is blocked off. We pulled up to a gate with about ten locks on it and a sign that read “access by permit only”.
But my husband was determined. I sat in the passenger seat of the car pumping and watching him solve the puzzle Sherlock style. Long story short- one kind stranger, one $6 trail pass from Coconino National Forest, and thirty minutes later we were in… and we were the ONLY truck on the trail!
Instantly my husbands mood changed from grumpy old man to kid in a candy store. Five minutes on the desert terrain he points out the window at some weeds and says “babe look at those flowers!”
Fun isn’t always obvious. Sometimes fun has to be searched out and that search involves trying new things out of your comfort zone.
Our fun filled date was not my idea. I would rather relax with a book in the stillness of nature any day. Was I excited to leave my house, be hands free of mommy responsibilities, and enjoy my husband?- of course! Was I excited about spending the entire day in a truck being bumped around as we maneuvered over big cliffside boulders? Unless it’s the Indiana Jones ride in Disneyland- not so much! I am not a fan of heights! But I was less afraid of being driven off a cliff in the mountains than in my home- if you know what I mean.
What I DO get excited about?
Seeing my husband have the time of his life!
Experiencing what brings him joy together!
Realizing that I have a special part to play in his hobby!
And being reminded that he is not just the provider, diaper changer, plumber, griller and my extra set of hands around the house… but first and foremost he is my best friend!
All of these reminders were released in my soul within ten minutes of pulling onto the dirt road and I found myself laughing and genuinely having a great time.
Our truck wasn’t the only thing that got refueled this weekend.
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So my encouragement is this… when planning your next date opt out for practicality, convenience and even sometimes romanticism! Instead, CHOOSE FUN with your spouse.
It may take a lot of work, creativity, or trying something outside of your comfort zone… but the decision will be WORTH IT.
A marriage can be refueled by being reFUNed.
